


blossoming alone over you

by constanted



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Night Watches, brief yasha, post episode 93, sometimes you literally glow pink in the night. you know?, talks broke my heart!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22577191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constanted/pseuds/constanted
Summary: Fjord goes quiet. Turns his head toward Caduceus, who has decided that it is in his best interest to stare at the fire right now. “Why?”“It’s misery, and it’s new misery, but it’s… misery I can deal with, misery that doesn’t hurt you. I could… y’know, I could settle down at the lighthouse temple on the Coast. Have a garden outside.” Involuntarily, he smiles, just a little. Were it not for his duties, for what he owes to his family, he really would enjoy this sort of life. But, well. So it goes, he supposes. But then, another thought he can’t resist, because he’s always thinking stupid things like this: “Some beehives, maybe.”(or: On watch, Fjord asks about an offer, unmade.)
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 18
Kudos: 345





	blossoming alone over you

**Author's Note:**

> talks killed me!

“I didn’t have an offer,” Fjord says, “Not one I was willing to—everything I could’ve offered would’ve hurt you. I suppose I offered our service, but, well. That wasn’t enough, as we all know.” And he prods at the fire with his sword. “Thank the gods for Jester. Fuck.”

“Tomorrow’s gonna be a lot,” Caduceus says, with a nod. “Nott and Beau and all that. We just… thank the gods for Jester. Yeah. And… whatever the Traveller is, I bet he’s real proud of her. She’s amazing.”

More silence, comfortable. A sip of tea—wildflowers Caduceus had found by the vineyard, along with something nice from home. Caduceus’ stomach turns a bit, still a bit angry at himself, which is a terribly unnecessary feeling. He’s had a lot of those, lately. _Feelings_ and _wants_ and other such problems.

“Tricking forest witches is difficult. Except—I got called a witch in town, a few times. And I’m kind of easy to trick, sometimes, and I would accept baked goods pretty quickly, especially from someone as lovely as Jester, but—I also don’t go around putting curses on people who don’t deserve it.”

“You looked ready to talk, what would you—“

He sighs he feels the question coming. Asks, “Does it matter?”

“I’m curious.” And Fjord gives him that smile, and—Caduceus really needs to fix _this_ issue soon. The issue about feelings.

“I was going to offer to… I was going to agree to never return home, after it’s healed.”

Fjord goes quiet. Turns his head toward Caduceus, who has decided that it is in his best interest to stare at the fire right now. “Why?”

“It’s misery, and it’s new misery, but it’s… misery I can deal with, misery that doesn’t hurt you. I could… y’know, I could settle down at the lighthouse temple on the Coast. Have a garden outside.” Involuntarily, he smiles, just a little. Were it not for his duties, for what he owes to his family, he really would enjoy this sort of life. But, well. So it goes, he supposes. But then, another thought he can’t resist, because he’s always thinking stupid things like this: “Some beehives, maybe.”

“You could do that regardless. Still visit home, but have your life on the Coast with—us.” Fjord says. “But—you shouldn’t have even needed to think about giving up a chance at _ever_ returning.”

“Why not? Beau offered her happiness, Nott offered _war_ —I would’ve offered something I know well already, just with—with a twist of the knife added on. Permanence to something I thought was temporary. That’s how things go, sometimes. Beau’s offer would have _ruined_ u—you. You all. And Nott’s would’ve… I don’t even want to _think_ about it. How is my offer not worth considering?”

“Well, for one, I’ve _never_ seen your home, and I’d _really_ fucking like to.”And Caduceus does let out a laugh, at that, nods.

“I s’pose it’s unfair for me to deprive you of that. And Yasha so many flowers, and Jester a glimpse into the absolute terror I was as a child. I painted… a _lot_ of undead horrors on the walls. My dad would, uh, druidcraft—like Reani, with the flower crowns—he would druidcraft little paints.”

“The idea of you and Jester having magic or—magical people around you—as children is _horrifying_ to me; I can barely handle it _now_ , and I’m thirty—“

“Is that a lot?”

“You’re, like—elf-y. Right?”

“There’s a lot of overlap, yeah. I think I’m Beau’s age, but in elf-y firbolg-y terms?” He shrugs. With all the sickness and wrongness back home, the two younger kids' lifespan were always sort of up in the air, anyway. But Fjord needn’t know that, and he didn’t ask that, so. Caduceus stops that train of thought. Because it’s unnecessary, and he doesn’t need Fjord feeling weird or guilty when there’s enough weird guilt in this group already. “I sort of assumed you—I mean, I sort of just assumed we were all within the same range.”

“Caleb, probably-Yasha, and I are all a bit… not _much_ , but. Jes is the youngest, and I assume Caleb’s the oldest. In those terms of… _you’re_ the oldest, if we’re going by years. But. Ah. I’m still young. I’m spry. I’m just also… not as young or spry as I was ten years ago.”

“You’re plenty spry.”

“But my point is—you shouldn’t have to give that up. And you don’t—obviously, you don’t have to, and you won’t need to, but—“

“I do want to—keep traveling. I do. I’m not sure what my family will think of that, but. I’d like to see more of the world. It’s—new and scary and all of that, but. It’s beautiful, too, and it would be upsetting to not be able to witness that beauty.”

Fjord squints. “Why wouldn’t they want you to keep traveling?”

“They’re a bit… protective, and here I come, running around so recklessly with a bunch of pirates and criminals and—worst of all, a man who used to serve an evil deep sea eldritch snake-octopus thing.” And he laughs, lets Fjord know that he’s mostly kidding. “No, I think they’d like you. They’d like you a lot.”

“Well. We’ll find out soon.”

Caduceus blinks at the fire. “Yeah. Yeah, I suppose we will.” And he hears a very quiet sound of movement, suddenly feels a cool, calloused hand on top of his.

“We’ll—however much we argue or pull dumb shit tomorrow, we’ll have your back. We want your home to be safe, and—I know that your happiness is a priority of mine. I want you to be happy.”

“I want _you_ to be happy—“

“Don’t—you sound like Jester when you do that. Deflecting. You two are similar like that. Cad. Listen. You’re a part of this group, and that means that if we have to trick a hag with a fucking _cupcake_ or kind of accidentally destroy a cathedral or—go to an evil sea snake’s temple in the middle of the ocean—speaking metaphorically, I’d prefer we _don’t_ do that again—to help you, we will.”

Caduceus wills himself to look at Fjord. And breathes. Swallows the lump in his throat, because crying would be awkward and he doesn’t want this to be awkward, but it already is. Ugh.

Sadder than he intends: “What if I—what if they make me leave you?”

“We won’t let them make you do anything. I won’t let them make you do anything.”

“I mean. I’ll feel terrible regardless. Misery, and the like. Freely generated, not even a reward, here. I’ve never… this is all _so new_ , Fjord, and it’s—terrifying, and it’s beautiful, and it’s like—the ocean, right, I was so scared of it, and then I went deeper, and I learned that it was—so _beautiful_ , Fjord, and… I thought I’d be okay never seeing it again, at first. Just getting away from it, after I’d done what I was supposed to do there, and—“

“Are we the ocean?”

“You are,” he says. “And there are… there are things that I suppose will need more care than the ocean.”

“You can enjoy it. You don’t need to take care of it. You can coexist with it.”

And his brain is going maybe faster than ever, and it’s all confusing, and there’s saltwater in his eyes, which is funny because of the ocean, and Fjord is being so _lovely_ , and he’s grown _so much_ , and—“I’m sorry. For the other night. In Zadash. I was being inappropriate.”

“It was endearing.”

“It was _rude_ , and—I really, really don’t want to—hurt our friendship. This odd, divine thing we’ve found.”

“You didn’t do anything to ruin it.”

“I want to. Kiss you. Fjord, very badly, and—I’ll get over it, I promise, but it just feels—I don’t like _wanting_ things, and wanting people, and it—I’m just—I’m sorry. I’m sorry, if that’s made things—“

And then, quite suddenly, there is softness and pressure and warmth on his face, and it’s _wonderful_ , the blunt press of short tusks, the gentleness of it all; easier than most things are, really. Caduceus attempts to kiss back, parts his lips a bit and deepens the movements, and—it’s weird, and it’s _great_ , and it’s like Jester’s books all say, really, but better and sillier and just plain old wonderful.

“That was—“

“First time?”

“Was it bad? Was I bad at that? I’m—“

“No. It was… it was very good. Were the tusks—“

“They were _great_ , it’s—it’s a nice feeling. Can I try again?”

Fjord makes an “after-you” gesture, and Caduceus follows, tastes tea and spit and something oddly like seawater, and it goes on, moves to touching and it’s new and weird and so, so cool.

Yasha is staring at them.

“I was,” she says, pauses, “I was going to ask for a cup of tea.”

“Take mine,” Caduceus manages. Feels his cheeks warm to the point where he’s nearly certain that there’s fire in his blood.

Yasha does. Says, “Sorry. I did—I thought—congratulations? On the. Kissing. Good-night.”

And she walks back into the dome. And Fjord’s head is in his hands, and Caduceus just _laughs_ , says, “I… I think that’s a way I could’ve dealt with my offer, really. Just… you. And them, and all of this, it’s so wonderful. Just—one more try. Uninterrupted.”

And they kiss, again, and it’s wonderful, and Caduceus thinks, he really has grown to love the sea. And maybe, someday, he thinks, he can have a garden, some beehives. Bring jars of honey to his Bell and Calliope and his parents and Corrin and maybe even Colton at the Grove on occasion. Return home to look at the sea.

Stand on the beach, hand in hand with someone beautiful. Overcome fear and misery and other unnecessary emotions like them. Watch the sun set, sink into the sea.

Be a light for those who need it. Let others be a light for him.

Kiss Fjord again, and again, and again.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr @yahooanswer. i love these boys.  
> comment! kudo! etc!


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